One of the biggest misconceptions about going to a dungeon is the idea that walking through the door somehow obligates you to do something kinky.
You registered. You showed up. You walked into a building containing slings, restraints, paddles, cuffs, and assorted pieces of furniture designed for purposes your grandmother never discussed.
Surely somebody expects you to use them.
Nope.
At 5710 Cleveland, you're perfectly welcome to come to an event and never participate in a scene. You don't need to get naked. You don't need to get tied up. Nobody needs to spank your ass. Your cock and balls don't need to become involved in the evening whatsoever.
You're allowed to watch.
You're allowed to talk.
You're allowed to learn.
You're allowed to spend three hours thinking, "Well, THAT'S interesting."
And then you're allowed to go home.
Watching Is a Legitimate Dungeon Experience
We sometimes talk about people at dungeon events as either "playing" or "not playing," but that makes the second group sound like they aren't participating in the event.
They are.
Observation is one of the primary ways people learn about kink.
Think about everything you get to see when you slow down and pay attention. How does someone approach another person about playing? What do they discuss beforehand? How are restraints applied? How does someone check in during a scene? How does the person receiving the sensation communicate? What happens when something needs adjusting? What happens when they finish?
Those details matter.
You also start seeing how different reality looks from porn.
Real dungeon play includes communication, preparation, adjustments, laughter, water breaks, equipment changes, checking circulation, finding comfortable positions, cleaning up, and sometimes deciding something isn't working and stopping.
Watching gives you the opportunity to see the whole process.
But Watching Comes With Responsibilities
A dungeon isn't a zoo.
People participating in a scene understand others might see them, but there's a difference between respectfully observing and making someone feel like an exhibit.
Give active scenes some physical space. Don't crowd the people involved. Don't stand directly over them. Don't interrupt with questions. Don't touch equipment being used. Don't offer unsolicited advice.
And definitely don't decide to become an additional participant.
If somebody is restrained with his ass in the air, that isn't an open invitation.
If he's naked, that isn't an invitation.
If he's hard, that isn't an invitation.
If he's moaning, laughing, yelling, or obviously enjoying himself, that still isn't an invitation.
An invitation is an invitation.
Anything else is an assumption.
"But Am I Going to Look Creepy Standing There Watching?"
This is a question plenty of newcomers have.
The answer depends largely on how you watch.
There's a big difference between standing at a respectful distance observing a demonstration and following a naked guy around the room like you're filming a nature documentary in your head.
Use common sense.
Look around. Socialize. Talk to people. Watch what interests you. Give people room.
If you're unsure whether observing a particular scene is appropriate, ask a host or dungeon monitor.
You'll quickly get a feel for the room.
Your First Visit Might Be Better If You Don't Play
There's a strong argument for taking some pressure off yourself the first time.
You're already processing a new environment.
You're meeting new people. You're learning the layout. You're seeing unfamiliar equipment. You're figuring out the culture. You're learning the rules. You're getting comfortable with whatever level of nudity or sexual energy exists at the event.
That's plenty.
Adding "I need to have an intense BDSM experience before I leave" creates a goal nobody asked you to achieve.
Instead, spend your first visit collecting information.
What interests you?
What doesn't?
What made you curious?
What made you uncomfortable?
What did somebody do that made you think, "I want to know more about that"?
What did somebody do that made you think, "My ass will be staying far away from that particular contraption"?
Both reactions teach you something.
You Don't Have to Get Naked Either
Some people feel perfectly comfortable dropping their clothes ten minutes after arriving.
Others don't.
There isn't a prize for being naked first.
Depending on the event, you might see guys in jeans, shorts, underwear, jockstraps, harnesses, leather, fetishwear, or nothing at all.
Start wherever you're comfortable.
If you arrive in jeans and a T-shirt and eventually decide the shirt needs to come off, great.
If the jeans eventually follow, also great.
If everything stays exactly where you put it that morning, nobody gets to revoke your dungeon membership.
Comfort tends to grow naturally when you stop forcing it.
You Don't Need to Be Looking for Sex
This surprises some people too.
You don't have to come to 5710 looking for somebody to hook up with.
Some people attend because they enjoy BDSM. Some enjoy exhibitionism. Some enjoy watching. Some enjoy the social environment. Some want to learn. Some like being around other men who share interests they don't get to discuss in everyday life.
And yes, some people are horny.
These things aren't mutually exclusive.
You get to decide what you're looking for.
The guy standing next to you gets to decide what he's looking for too.
Sometimes those interests align.
Sometimes they don't.
That's why we talk to each other.
"What If Someone Asks Me to Play?"
Congratulations. Somebody thinks you look interesting.
You still don't owe him anything.
If you're interested, talk about it.
If you're curious but uncertain, say so.
If you'd rather watch tonight, tell him.
If you're not interested at all, "No, thanks" works beautifully.
You don't need to invent a boyfriend waiting at home, an old football injury, an early morning appointment, Mercury in retrograde, or an unfortunate childhood incident involving handcuffs.
"No, thanks."
That's enough.
A respectful person will accept your answer and move on.
The same applies when you're the one asking.
If you invite someone to play and he declines, accept the answer graciously. Don't ask three more times. Don't demand an explanation. Don't spend the rest of the evening giving him dirty looks.
You asked.
He answered.
Done.
Sometimes Watching Is How You Find Your Thing
One of the great pleasures of being new to kink is realizing how much you haven't encountered yet.
You might arrive thinking you're interested in spanking and find yourself fascinated by rope.
You might think bondage looks terrifying until you watch someone experience it calmly and realize the restraint itself appeals to you.
You might watch someone getting flogged and decide with complete confidence that nobody is ever coming near your ass with one of those things.
Useful information.
Or something might surprise you.
You watch a scene and feel your attention lock onto it. You don't necessarily understand why. You find yourself asking questions afterward. You think about it on the drive home.
There's no need to immediately put a label on the reaction.
Curiosity gets to exist before action.
You Might Spend Most of the Night Talking
This happens more often than newcomers expect.
You come to see the dungeon.
You meet somebody.
You start talking.
Another guy joins the conversation.
Someone tells a funny story. Somebody explains a piece of equipment. You talk about an upcoming event. You learn you're both into the same thing. Then somebody starts discussing restaurants.
Two hours later you realize you haven't done anything remotely kinky.
And you had a great night.
That's part of community too.
5710 isn't simply a collection of equipment available for use. We want people to know each other. We want newcomers to meet regulars. We want experienced people to share knowledge. We want people to have conversations they might not have anywhere else.
Sometimes the most important thing happening in a dungeon isn't happening on the spanking bench.
You Decide What Counts as a Successful Night
This is the part we'd love every first-time visitor to understand.
Don't measure your experience by how much happened to you.
You don't need to leave with a sore ass.
You don't need a story outrageous enough to tell your friends.
You don't need to check something off your sexual bucket list.
Perhaps success means you finally walked through the door.
Perhaps you introduced yourself to three people.
Perhaps you took your shirt off.
Perhaps you watched your first BDSM scene.
Perhaps you asked someone what a piece of equipment does.
Perhaps you realized you're more comfortable in a dungeon than you expected.
Perhaps you realized you aren't ready to participate yet.
That's information too.
Come to 5710 Cleveland with curiosity rather than expectations. Look around. Meet people. Ask questions. Watch respectfully. Learn something.
If eventually you see something and think, "Okay. I think I want to try that," you'll know where to find us.
Until then, pull up a chair.
The view is pretty good.
Visit www.5710cleveland.com to create your profile, see upcoming events, register, and see who else plans to attend.
